Spend a week or two playing the 'How do I feel about this?' game. Whether travelling to work or talking with your partner or sitting in the office, ask yourself ceaselessly whether you actually like something or whether you're doing it out of habit. I discovered I didn't like the taste of fizzy drinks in this way. Every day I would have a couple of fizzy drinks cans at my desk. One at lunch and one about 4pm.
I assumed it was because I liked the taste. One day, I actually turned away from what I was doing, opened the can and concentrated on the first gulp I took. I swirled it in my mouth, gulped it down and then really thought, with all the taste bud clarity of a wine expert, about how I rated the taste. I found it felt empty, industrial, acidic and not very pleasant. When I wasn't thinking about the taste, I had always thought this beverage to be refreshing. But really it was that the times I drank this drink were times that I had a natural break in my work pattern and so I felt more refreshed at those times and had simply started to associate those fizzy drinks with a more relaxed part of the day.
The game doesn't just apply to food and drink. Think about the advertising around you. You are assaulted by advertising during every waking moment. Which ads do you like? Which do you find funny? Which offensive? How about modes of travel? Do you prefer buses or cars or tubes or trains? Which smells do you like? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Do you like the countryside or the town? Are you pro or anti-hunting? Do you like your religions orthodox or alternative? What music do you like? Think about all the questions you asked new friends when you were a teenager and you'll soon get the hang of it. This process is a way of getting to know you. Your opinions may not tally with those of the editors of the newspapers you read or the radio shows you listen to or your parents or your social class. However all those influences have had longer to work on you than you have had so be aware of when you're simply aping a view you have heard and when you actually believe it.
A disclaimer at this point - this evaluating your likes and dislikes in no way excuses selfishness. There are some people who carry this process too far and become hysterically insular. Suddenly the only important opinion is theirs; the only person worth knowing is them. The world is an infinite mystery as are the entities that people it. You are also a wondrous mystery but don't become so enchanted by your own fascinating story that you start to exclude the equally fascinating tales of those around you. Even someone you dismiss as a dullard can have an amazing story to tell. You just need to find it. In the process, through comparison, you will learn more about yourself as a consequence. Harry hates fishing because his dad would make him gut the fish they caught when he was younger. How do I feel about fishing? Could I gut a fish?
Did Harry object to the yukkiness or is it because he thinks it's cruel to eat animals? Do I think it's cruel to eat animals? All of these questions might run through your mind in a flash and you'd probably ask Harry about whether it had made him a vegetarian. If you found that you had an interest in the fishing aspect of Harry's story then you might ask him more about that and you might then look at getting to do some fishing yourself. The 'How do I feel about that?' game is a way of opening a dialogue with yourself but it can get boring if you don't bring in the stimulus of other people's experiences.
As a result of the 'How do I feel about this?' game, I now have a journal of things that I like and dislike. In my journal of likes and dislikes, I have written: I hate theme parks because I hate waiting two hours in the scorching heat, feeling like cattle being herded around a queuing system, attacked by wasps, drinking flat, warm, sticky drinks and snapping irritably at friends and family for the ridiculously swift momentary thrill of a rollercoaster ride. As a result of this entry, I have not visited a theme park in seven years and I hope to avoid them for the rest of my life. If you don't write it down, you can often forget the things you hate most as a result of idealising after the event. You find that people will do things they hate year after year as a result of habit or inaccurate memories of how they felt about it at the time. Don't fall into this trap.
The next time you have a terrible experience doing something, write yourself a note as soon as you get home to remind yourself that you didn't enjoy it and you should avoid doing it again in the future. Don't become rigid about it but do start to become aware of those things that you'd rather not do. I've occasionally had lots of fun at gaming arcades but generally speaking the noise disagrees with me. So I know that I will only rarely go if invited to a gaming arcade. The people doing the asking will probably influence whether or not I'll agree to go. Also remember to write yourself a note if you have an unexpectedly wonderful experience.
Once you have a good idea of what you like and dislike, you can begin to do something about it. Information about yourself is of no good to you unless it leads to actual action. Suppose you discover that you like glittery things. This information isn't particularly active information if all you do with it is buy a few more spangly accessories. If, however, you begin to make your own glittery cards to send to friends and family on special occasions, you extend the pleasure to your loved ones and you spend a relaxing evening doing something creative rather than slouched in front of the TV. A result on so many levels!
I'd also like you to think about which media you actually enjoy. Do you enjoy TV? Radio? Newspapers? Magazines? The Internet? How much time a week do you spend on each of these media? How much do you spend a month on these? What sort of things do you like to watch, listen to and read about? News? Entertainment? Soaps? Comedy? Lifestyle articles? For the next week, as well as the exercise below, try to be a bit more aware of what you're putting into your brain. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' answer to this but you might surprise yourself as to how much you're letting into your mind without really paying attention.
One of the typical characteristics of happy people is that they are active. Extremely active. Not in the sporty, jumpy sense but in the thinking, doing sense. They're not content to just passively take in everything that the media tells them or to do the same things week in, week out. They go out and try to meet new people, have new experiences, feel new things. They are engaged with life and have curiosity about what is out there. Happiness makes you interested in the world around you and in turn that makes you interesting. There are none so boring as those who are bored.
One of the happiest people I have ever encountered was an extremely cheery taxi cab driver. He was very interested in people and did the typical London cabbie thing of asking lots and lots of questions. In the midst of our conversation, he threw in a comment that stuck. We were talking about winning the lottery. 'I don't understand those people who go back to work after winning the lottery,' he said. 'It shows a lack of imagination to say that you'd get bored at home with nothing to do.' The 'lack of imagination' struck such a chord for of course, when you think about it, there is so much you could do if money were no object.
You could travel till you dropped dead from old age and still not see the whole world. You could learn to sketch from Japanese calligraphers. You could learn to belly dance in Brazil or cook the perfect curry in Pakistan. There are no limits to what you could do if you had the money. The thing is though that only a lack of imagination stops you from doing variations on all those things without having the money to do them. Your local library is likely to have books on Japanese calligraphy and videos on belly dancing. Not to mention recipe books on Pakistani curries. All you have to do is get a little adventurous and you'll find yourself wondering how you ever found the time to be unhappy.
Read Part 1
Tania Ahsan is editor of Prediction, the UK's original mind, body, spirit magazine. For further information on Tania and her work, visit www.taniaahsan.com
Read more about Happinessfrom Tania, in our sister magazine, Merlian News:
Blue Skies Self Help: Happiness 101
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Podcast Interview with Tania Ahsan, Editor of Prediction Magazine
Psychicpodcasts.com welcomes Tania Ahsan, editor of Prediction Magazine in the UK. Tania is also a writer, an artist, a speaker and workshop leader on various subjects including Dreams, Shamanism and Pagan topics. In this podcast I asked Tania what it is like to be the editor of the first Body Mind Spirit magazine, and to grow up in a family where everyone is psychic!