As a species we are only born with two natural instincts: a) Our reaction to a loud bang (or sound) and b) Our reflex when we fall. Everything else is learned.  We learn to adapt to our culture, we learn and develop our values that give weight and importance to different things around us and we also learn to limit ourselves. This limitation is an accumulation of things we hear and see in the world around us that make us feel a certain way. 

 

If you're 14 years old and you come home with an "F" in history, and the immediate comment you hear is: "You stupid lazy idiot" from a parent or sibling ; your unconscious mind will store that and accept it - remember that your unconscious does not negate. The way the media systematically bombards you with horrible headlines such as "Woman Stabbed Two Blocks From Her Home!"

 

"Our beliefs govern the quality of our lives. It is our beliefs that can propel us into achievements and successes, or hold us back"

 Our beliefs take shape based on the outside influences that shape our outlook. Our beliefs dictate how well we perform, interact, grow our businesses and spot opportunities. Ironically, what we believe has a greater affect on us than the truths that surround us, and this is precisely why we see very attractive people who believe that they aren't. They lose more weight; they have more plastic surgeries and buy the latest fashion in order to convince themselves that they are sexy. All they really need to do is change their beliefs. On the other hand there are lots of extremely confident, charming and well spoken people who have an excellent sense of humour who aren't necessarily endowed with facial beauty, but they are described as sexy and attractive by their opposite gender. 

 

Our beliefs govern the quality of our lives. It is our beliefs that can propel us into achievements and successes, or hold us back. The great news is that since beliefs are learned, they can be unlearned, and re-learned in new ways. A belief can be so powerful that it can actually influence our bodily reactions.  Think of Shaolin Monks who lie on sharp spears, think of people with multiple personality disorder who can shift from person to person convincingly using their body, tone of voice and preferences; clinically, they also adopt certain illness that disappear when they shift back into a different persona! The power of human potential and limitation lies within the beliefs that they have learned. 

 

Our unconscious has an unbelievable amount of information to deal with every minute - 2,000,000 pieces of information to be exact. As such, it creates filters to sift through all that is coming in, in order to process information more efficiently. Thus the unconscious mind deletes, distorts and generalizes some of the much information that it has to process. So when Mr. X  wants to give directions to someone else, he may leave some information out that that Mr. Y might have included, or vice versa - deletion. 

 

Recently, a client of mine, who saw Tom Cruise in person, was shocked to find him so vertically challenged. Now we all know that Mr. Cruise hadn't shrunk, my client simply became aware of how she distorted the information that she saw on film. Moreover, if you travel to Greece and have a horrid time, chances are you'll avoid Greece on your next holidays. Reason being is that your unconscious mind generalizes to protect you from a possible repeat experience.  This is exactly why when some people try once or twice and get a bad result, they give up because their unconscious mind associated that task to bad emotions. They simply focused on the short term outcome rather than the goal in mind, or the belief in their vision. 

 

"The perspective we use, determines the outcome of out actions"

The perspective we use determines the outcome of out actions, and our perspectives can sometimes limit us as they are co-dependent on our beliefs. This brings us back to whether the glass is half full or half empty. Reality is a rather funny thing, as there never really is just one reality. Some may say that London is an overpriced city with rude people and terrible air quality. Others may say that London is a very vibrant city with lots to do and opportunities on tap. It is the reality we choose to focus on that can influence our beliefs either positively or negatively.

 

If I am about to start my own business in London, and start to feed myself contaminated language about the city; chance are that I won't be very motivated and fired up to get my business very far. On the other hand, if I continually remind myself about the vast opportunities that exist around me, my outlook will shift. Remember, clean language = clean beliefs. 

 

How to implement change of limiting beliefs

The pre-requisite to identifying one's limiting belief successfully is honesty with one's self.

• To begin with, ask yourself what it is you wish to achieve, in other words what's your goal? It could be anything, whether losing a stone, starting your own business or meeting your targets at your sales job.
  
  
• Write down your goal on a clean sheet of paper. Look at what you've written; make sure it's a realistic goal. What I mean by realistic is that if you're a restaurant manager today, and your goal is to buy a Beverly Hills mansion in 12 months - chances are you won't achieve that unless you win the lottery. Keep it realistic and doable.
   
• Next, ask yourself the following questions and answer after careful processing and honesty with yourself. Remember, no one is judging your answers, and nor should you. Simply allow the answers to flow and let the awareness occur with ease rather than resentment. 
  
  

1)     What's stopping me from achieving this goal?

2)     Where did this belief come from?

3)     Who gave you this belief?

4)     How do you feel about that person? Do you regard them highly and respect them?

5)     What does this belief do for you?

6)     What is this belief costing you?

7)     How will your life be different if you were to let go of this limiting belief?

8)     What concrete evidence do you have to back this belief?

9)     What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting belief?

10) How else can you satisfy this positive intention without relying on this limiting belief?

"Just because you've believed something for years, doesn't make it true".

 

These 10 questions are designed to help identify limiting beliefs and their roots to help you gain the clarity you need in order to understand how you've come to believe what you do. Just because you've believed something for years, doesn't make it true, nor should you hold on to it for purposes of habit. It is habit that has been holding you back, and it is habit that nurtures your limiting belief.

 

To achieve this simple change, you must be determined and take the decision to change as quickly as you order a Lasagne in a restaurant. A decision can happen in a fraction of a moment and place you on a new path to winning - and "winning always starts with beginning".

© Taymour Qabazard, London 2004.

 

'You Are What You Believe' Taster Workshop
Life Coach Taymour Qabazard, holds a taster workshop in central London (Kensigton Library) to inroduce Life Coaching to 'beginners'. An evening packed with information and exercises. Get a head start and prepare for a 'new year'. £5 only.