Dear J,

Thank you for writing in.

Few things you have to understand:

- It does not matter if this girl is the one or not. What matters is how you deal with it, and whether you teach yourself to keep your heart open and stay centred. The important thing is to remember people are like blank canvas-let them paint their own colours, then step back and see if you like the painting.

- That is, let her say or do what she feels, see how things are when you meet. Do not rush anything, allow yourself to experience being in a relationship with out trying to manipulate it. That way you remain objective, and are able to decide in an unemotional way. Sometimes, the journey is more important than the destination.

-You should not allow anyone to depress you, or shake your confidence, or be in charge of how you feel. If you are truly secure, nothing can change that. It is not your girlfriend who will make you more secure. Only you are in charge of you.

 -  If a chapter comes to an end, know that you are loved and supported by spirit, so it means time to open to another one. In the mean time, I feel you have to allow yourself time to grow emotionally. It is very 'unrealistic' to fall in love with someone you hardly know and never met. I do understand that in some cultures this is a possible way to meet, but relationships do not grow in the ether. They are dynamic; anything else is more like fantasy because you have nothing solid to go by. So if you met form a distance, wait and see how you feel when you meet in person, then decide how you feel, or if indeed you want to proceed with this relationship.

-Also, you must focus on your needs to, and do not make anyone fit. If they are right, they will stick effortlessly, if they are not, they will go away. The universe is already perfect, if you allow it to manifest itself and work itself through your life.

- No one can make you lose your trust! We each allow people to hurt us. We are responsible and in charge of what we create for ourselves. So, please do not feel like a victim. She is free, as a soul, to say and do whatever she wants. You are free in turn, to decide how not to let that hurt you and to walk away from it. This how we mature- by learning from our experiences.

- Read more about love and relationships so you have a realistic understanding of what it is, and what to expect, and how to deal with it. I strongly suggest How to Love and Be Loved, by Dr. Paul Hauck. You sound like a nice person J, but you have to work on your own self-growth, and try to be in a 'real' relationship, where you can see and be with someone, many people pretend to be what they are not over the telephone.

Finally, read this, it might help:

Is This The Right Guy, Or is It A Waste Of Time?

Hope the above helps, and I am sorry I wasn't able to reply any sooner.

Love and light

Sahar

I am not what happened to me, I am what I chose to become - Carl Jung