William Thackeray very eloquently once said: “Good humor may be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in society.”  Indeed society is a place where we wear things such as stylish clothes, jewelry, make up and even an attitude to show what we want people to see, hear and feel.  After all, it is nobody’s business to know what goes on in our minds. 

Trends, social competition and gossip seem to fuel the collective mind when people gather these days.  Sadly parties and social gatherings start to feel like straight jackets that can stress us to the point of a panic attack.  It doesn’t have to be like this at all.  Ultimately, every penny that is spent in the world today is on feeling good, so what good is it if we don’t enjoy things we like.  This includes get-togethers, parties or even people watching in cafés.  As I’ve mentioned previously in one of my articles: If you like something, make sure you enjoy it.  Every one of us is a member of society, and we have the power to make constructive and positive changes to make it a better place.

I can delve into a deep and philosophical article about society and how it all works, but that can be dull, boring and frankly a bit too academic.  Instead, I’d like to offer you tools and techniques that can help you become more sociable, a better communicator and an overall charming guest or even host (or hostess). 

1)     Minimize your mobile use if you are at a party, a gathering or simply hanging out with a few friends in a restaurant.  Be polite enough to give people you’re with the attention and courtesy they disserve.  I recently met a friend for a coffee after not seeing him for a while, and he had two mobiles that he continuously fiddled with the entire hour we were together.  I was appalled at his manners.  If you have to take an IMPORTANT call, simply excuse yourself from the table and be as brief as you can.  Otherwise, tell the caller that it’s not a convenient time and that you’ll call them back as soon as you get the chance. 

2)     When conversing – make sure you sustain good eye contact and an open posture.  It welcomes the dialogue and you come across as an easy person to talk to. 

3)     Always smile when entering a room with people in it.  No need to laugh, just a gentle smile (without teeth) that lifts your face and welcomes conversation can go a long way.  Remember, a smile is contagious; people will always reciprocate it, thus lifting the mood to a lighter and more relaxed one. 
  

4)     People generally love to talk about themselves, so what better way to come across as a charming communicator than asking open questions and listening with your ears, eyes and body.  Remember your body language, eye contact and posture say much more than your mouth – so be mindful of that as you listen.  Believe it or not, once the other person finishes answering, they will mirror the etiquette you demonstrated back to you with sincerity.

5)     Avoid talking about religion and politics – you’ll live longer.

6)     Be a good guest.  Help discretely; this can include passing the plates at dinner time or even talking to lonely looking guests on their own who might feel neglected.  Feel involved and help improve the mood if you can.

7)     Be a good host.  Smile as you make everyone feel welcomed.  Make sure you introduce people to each other and mention their common denominators.  For example: “John I’d like you to meet Andrew. Andrew is also an engineer and an avid skier”.  Something like that, so your guests can meet and chat with ease at your party.  Also, make sure you make everyone feel as special as the next guest – it’s all about harmony.

8)     If you run into someone who you wish you hadn’t.  Walk up and say hello, keep the conversation short and slightly formal.  Then move on talking to others as you sustain that radiant smile. 

9)     Brush up on that sense of humor, but avoid being the clown.  People love a good laugh, so give them a good laugh, and just make sure you don’t suffocate them by seeking all the attention.

10) Go prepared with things to say.  Sometimes people get tongue tied and run out of things to talk about.  Keep up with the news, travel and interesting facts you may have come across, and use them when helpful.  If you run out of things to say, ask interesting questions or re-direct the dialogue and comment on their latest bag and how pretty it is.  Compliments are an excellent way to make people feel good; they also demonstrate how humble and sweet you are which can exhibit your refinement as a socialite. 

11) If you walk into a gathering and find no one you know; relax, smile, introduce yourself and ask where the host is.  People get together to enjoy and have fun – you can always set the example.

12)   Show your appreciation and gratitude as a guest. Be specific about your compliments and let them know you’ve noticed the attention to detail.  For example: “I absolutely loved your Tabouleh, it was so tasty” or “I love the mood you’ve created with those candles, it’s so welcoming”.  The key is to be sincere, and not fake.  Your host has worked hard at making their gathering a success, so let them know you’re grateful.

These techniques are designed to minimize friction, enhance harmony and generate improvement in your social life, so make sure you have fun with them by remaining flexible and relaxed.  A party is not necessarily just the opportunity to flaunt your latest fashion item, but an opportunity to meet new people, enjoy yourself and leave with some degree of fulfillment.  As Malcolm Forbes once said: “Presence is more than just being there”. 

Until next time…..Live don’t just exist !

© Taymour Qabazard, 2005