Imagine you have an orange tree. This tree provides you with a very nutritious fruit that has lots of vitamin C, it is high in dietary fiber, can be eaten, juiced and drunk; it’s peel can be used to infuse sauces and turned into a delicious bitter sweet jam (also known as Marmalade). Oranges can be candied and dipped in chocolate and even its oil is used in aromatherapy to energize and rejuvenate. In fact, the orange is one of the most underappreciated fruits on this planet. Its uses are many, and its nutritional value is great, yet we take for grated how precious this unique fruit really is.
Now here’s the hard part. Imagine for a moment that the collective love in your life (whether from family members, your pet, colleagues or your beloved) is that orange tree you read about in the paragraph above. The orange tree, like love is both fragile and strong. It needs to be in a warm climate, in healthy soil, with lots of sunshine and the proper nurturing to bare an abundance of fruit. Love also needs to be among warm hearts (climate), it needs the occasional expression whether a compliment, a card or a simple “I Love You Too” (Sunshine) and most importantly, it needs to be a partnership of equality between the lover and the beloved – this can also apply to a mother and her child or a man and his wife.
This partnership is about giving and receiving. It’s about caring, sharing, appreciating, expressing, and feeling somewhat responsible for the other person (comparatively speaking, just like water for the orange tree). Finally we come to the three most important pillars that support “Love”, they are honesty, respect and clarity of communication – compare these three areas to the soil that always supports the orange tree and keeps it alive and healthy. Jan Blaustone, who’s the author of The Joy of Parenthood puts it beautifully: “The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.”
Valentine’s day is a fantastic opportunity to express feelings, share emotions and nurture your tree of love into a healthier state of being. It’s a chance to let those you love know how you feel about them. It’s a day to celebrate feelings and allow yourself to express them without the fear of embarrassment. After all, if we honestly communicate how we feel, we won’t have misunderstandings.
Here are a few tips on ways you can express yourself to those you love:
1) As the old saying goes: “The best things in life are free”, and without spending any money, you can offer the precious gift of a poem or a heartfelt letter that uses the appropriate words to stir the emotions of the reader. It’s all about creating a positive change in feelings and words have always been a timeless tool. A warm and sincere hug combined with the above can also work wonders.
2) Research. Start taking mental notes on what the other person is into. It could be a scarf they liked, they may love Orchids over roses which you might want to consider, or even a particular spot with a romantic view they love that you can arrange a picnic under the stars. The bottom line is keep your eyes and ears open to learn more about how to create that special night. Be creative!
3) Just because your beloved is NOT the expressive type, it doesn’t mean they don’t feel – they just might have trouble expressing their feelings, so look for ways they are expressing their feeling and let them know that you appreciate it. My father never expressed his feelings verbally, but I never doubted his love, because I knew his actions were lauder and more penetrating than any greeting card or letter. Sometimes it’s about what you do, and not just what you say. Think of a time someone stood up for in an argument, or a time they defended you in your absence and you later found out – that gesture can be more expressive and from the heart than a diamond tennis bracelet. So keep an open mind and appreciate.
4) Take this opportunity to re-build the bridges you unintentionally burned. This is a day to forgive and move on, it is a time to open your heart and grow spiritually. Cleans yourself and others of grudges, past shortcomings and contained anger. Express your desire to forgive and move on by letting them know through a genuine gift, card, flowers or even a knock on the door to surprise them with a hug. Forgive and move on, because you’re not in a position to judge; even Mother Teresa talked about this: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
5) Love yourself, but don’t be arrogant and proud. It is vital that you grow to love yourself, because how you treat yourself signals to people around you how they should treat you. If you put yourself down, and constantly underestimate your qualities, people WILL treat you like that. After all, people usually mirror communication, so set the benchmark on how you wish to be treated. If you act, talk and behave exactly how you wish to be treated, people will give in. This is not just a day to express feelings to ones you care about, but also a day to appreciate your uniqueness and attributes. Only then will you be loved to the level you deserve.
Treat your loved ones like the orange tree that provides so many things. Remember to care, nurture and maintain your tree of love, because love is always worth it.
Until Next Time……..Live, Don’t Just Exist.
© Taymour Qabazard, 2006
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